The Story of the Nol-boo and Heung-boo Brothers

This is a Korean story that has been translated into English and adapted into a play. It was performed at the Christmas party by ten students at my school.

Nol-boo and Heung-boo are brothers. One is very wealthy, so much so that he and his wife take on the responsibility of supporting the other brother, his wife and their nine kids. The two families lived under one roof and everything was copasetic for a period of time. At some point the wealthy brother decides he is sick and tired of supporting his brother's family because "they take up too much room and eat too much". He and his wife have a discussion and come to the conclusion that it is time to kick the freeloading brother out on his ass. The now homeless brother and his family spend some time on the street and quickly come to the realization that they won't make it. The kids are hungry and want to eat "lot's of pizza, hamburgers, hot dogs and spaghetti". The father vows to set out and find some money. He finds a man who offers him $1000 for something (that was lost in translation from kidspeak to my ears). It doesn't work out. The father, dejected and hungry heads home empty handed. Along the way he finds a sparrow who has a hurt leg because someone bit it. The father calls for his wife to bring bandages so that he might mend her leg. In order to return the favor the sparrow gives the father a seed. Being the humble and good man that he is, the father gratefully takes it home to his family who sings a song about planting it and later reaping all of the food that will grow as a result of this one seed. The next day the family discovers that a giant pumpkin has grown in the front yard so they do the obvious next thing. They fetch a giant six person saw. They saw open the pumpkin and what could be inside but an angel/fairy. This is where the story gets interesting. So the angel/fairy doesn't grant them three wishes, provide them with a house and food or endow the father with some sort of skill or trade so that he might actually find a job, no no no. This angel/fairy works for mastercard evidently because instead of anything really useful she gives the family a credit card. The family is elated with this newfound opportunity and decide that they are rich and immediately start planning to buy a big house filled with lots of food and the whole thing will simply be charged to their credit.

The other brother gets jealous of all of this and seeks a credit card of his very own. He wanders into the woods to find the sparrow. He knows that in order to get the credit card he has to help the sparrow but it doesn't need his help. He decides to bite the sparrow in the leg so that he might turn around and offer to mend the wound thus being given the magic seed as a sign of gratitude. The sparrow does in fact give him a seed which he goes home and plants. The next day the wealthy brother and his wife saw open their own pumpkin and reveal what looked to be a genie but ended up being some military drill sergeant type. The drill sergeant made them do lots of squats, a hundred push-ups and "duck walks". The wealthy brother and his wife reluctantly performed each task and quickly became exhausted but were too scared to stop. Finally the brother with the credit card comes to visit his brother and sees what is going on and tells the genie/drill sergeant to "go away". He does and the credited brother helps the other one to his feet and saves the day.

I think that sometime after the holidays I will have to teach a lesson on responsible money and banking practices so that my students don't continue to be mislead.

A Real Life "Sneetches" Moment

I love months with major holidays because that means I get to dick around doing crafts and singing songs in all of my classes rather than teaching real lessons. It being December and the Christmas season and all, I've done absolutely nothing for the past two weeks than make paper Santa Clauses, Rudolphs and Angels (because I'm allowed to teach religious things), and teach my little Korean students how to butcher the singing of all of our favorite Christmas classics.
Last week in one of my morning kindergarden classes we were making Rudolphs out of clothes pins. The kids colored the clothes pins brown, glued on the google eyes and nose and then twisted on some pipe cleaner antlers. When they were finished they brought their creations to me and I wrote their names and the year '2005' on the bottom and then put some glue on the fuzzy red ball that made the nose and sprinkled on some glitter dust. I have two colors of glitter, clear and silver. I gave the children the choice to pick their own color and this is when things started getting crazy. Genie was first in line and picked clear. As soon as the dreaded words escaped her lips I could see her glancing among the faces of the other girls in the class to determine, whether or not this had been the "right" choice to make. It quickly became apparent that it wasn't. Gena, one of the stupidest but most socially strong girls in the class instantly latched onto Wendy, the new girl's arm. She quipped in her ear that she should pick silver because that was the same color she, Gena, was going to pick. Wendy was probably confused but obviously felt the weight of the decision she was about to make as she took another step forward in the line.
In the end Wendy, Gena and Jenny picked silver while Genie and two of the boys were the only ones to have chosen clear. As soon as the Rudolphs were properly frosted the kids began running around the classroom with the clothespins held high in the air like they were flying. As the line got shorter and more children entered into the ensuing game, the more elaborate it got. No longer was it just about flying. There were special stations for eating and sleeping and it was clear that these stations were segregated. Jenny, whose Rudolph had a silver nose, said aloud at one point that all of the "pretty" ones were to join her own Rudolph underneath a spread out tissue because it was where they were supposed to sleep. Meanwhile Genie, the girl whose Rudolph was adorned with a clear nose, did her best at getting the boys more devoted to their "race" while trying hard to conceal the hurt she felt for being put off by her "friends".
So as I sat there and watched as these children had what was probably their first encounter with discrimination and certainly with racial discrimination. Since Korea is such a racially homogeneous society I doubt that they are ever on the receiving end of race based discrimination and if anything would be on the giving end, in which case they might not recognize their behavior as discriminating. But anyway as I sat there I couldn't help but compare the situation to my most favorite childhood book, Dr. Seuss' the Sneetches.
"Now, the star-belly Sneetches had bellies with stars, while the plain-belly Sneetches had none upon thars. Those stars weren't so big they were really quite small, you might think such a thing wouldn't matter at all."

There were clear-nosed Rudolph's, now they came first.
But the silver-nosed Rudolph's thought the clear's were the worst.
The colors were similar and this much was true,
Though in a seven year old's head the wrong color won't do.

It's true it's my fault, I gave them the choice.
Everyone knows kids don't have a voice.
They go with the flow, they side with the most,
And when it's all over the most will all boast.

But hey this is Christmas, we all know how it goes.
Santa comes out and looks at that nose,
and says "Rudolph you're somethin', you'll prove yourself yet."
And the front of the pack is the spot that he gets.

The other reindeer and the girls in my class,
Will be the last one's laughing as they stare at the ass,
of Rudolph and Genie as they lead the pack.
One with a red nose and the other with a knack.

(for English, Genie has a knack for English)

This is the "fashion disasters" part of our show...

Koreans for the most part have a pretty good sense of style. There's a a definite influence from the 80s which the rest of the world re-enjoyed about a year ago but that's fine I have no complaints. I myself am a fan of leg warmers, leggings, bright pink and oversized earings even to this day. During the summer and early fall I fully appreciated the abundance of cute poleros, (for my male readers it's a short cardigan/sweater creation that covers the shoulders and is a perfect accent to a block colored tank top). They also have really cute shoes here, none of which I can fit into of course, and the majority of the women wear heels everyday, which despite the discomfort is a fashion dream in comparison to the sneaker and skirt wearing employed masses of American city-life. In addition to these things they have a great selection of fashionably current jeans and unique and stylish purses and bags. However, this entry is NOT about the fashion do's that Koreans commit, it is about the fashion don'ts.
1. The Perm- to most of us the perm is nothing but a bad memory. A period in our lives where we were either too overcome by social pressure or too much under the influence of our less fashion concerned mothers to know any better. This is probably the time in your life that is conspiculously undocumented and presently referred to as the 'ugly years'. When flipping through old photo albums this would be the reason why the pictures skip from the cute and innocent ribboned side pony-tail years straight to the grunge years of awkward adolescence and completely bypassing what in retrospect is the "biggest hair foul-up I have ever made". Well these are evidently not the sentiments in Korea. If you ever wondered what must have happened to all of the scary snake devices and perm chemicals after the 80s I have your answer. They came to Korea. Koreans, men and women alike, are so eager to rid themselves of their characteristically board-straight hair that they are willing to commit the greatest of hair sins and opt for the perm. You can imagine my disappointment when one of my cutest students, Harry a four year old heart stealer, came in one day sporting what appeared to be a smoking jacket and a brand new perm. I considered it to be the most upsetting form of child abuse.

2. Pirate Boots-We all know that Pirates of the Carribbean was a good movie but I think Koreans took it one step too far and have started dressing like the characters on an everyday basis. I suppose the loose fitting "scrunch" boots could also be a throw back to the eighties but they need to go back to wherever it is they came from. They are unflattering no matter how they're worn and they all come in really hideous shades of tan and brown. The most flagrantly dreadful example would be a beigish slouch variety, with a fold-over top, a kitten heel and some sort of dangly tassle. Two words...not cute.

3. Uggs-This third example is a combination of the previous two. The ugg boot, an Australian import far inferior to sexy boys, surfing, cute accents, and delicious cuts of beef and the bain of 2004 and 2005. Not only is it out of style like the perm but it is hideous like the pirate boot. I think most men would agree with me that Ugg's have overstayed their welcome. I think that America and other fashion-savy Western countries have finally gotten the hint. I mean it only takes one overweight coed to sport a pair of uggs with a denim mini-skirt to ruin the already ugg-ly trend for everyone. Apparently Brittney Spears and Koreans haven't gotten the memo.

4. Oversized Visors-Anyone who knows me probably has an inkling of just how much I hate visors, especially when they are worn sideways, backwards or godforbid upside down but college guys with floppy haircuts. I didn't think it was possible for me to hate anything more. But alas Koreans have come up with a fancy new visor invention to irritate me even more. Their version of the visor is a cross-breed of a visor/headband, sunglasses, and a hockey goalie's facemask. Obviously since I'm calling it a visor it fits around the head and allows permed hair to sprout from the top. On the front where one would normally find a 4-6 inch bill to block out the sun, these fancy numbers have about a 9-11 inch hinged protrusion. That's right I said hinged. The reason being so that one can pull the entire thing down in front of one's face to block the sun or wind, or perhaps if the need to do some welding arises I suppose it would serve that purpose quite nicely as well. During the summer months it seemed like I couldn't get away from them but they seem to be less prevalent now that the sun isn't so bright but they are still around. Hikers and older woman out walking in the mornings like to wear them the most. I hate them.

Bonus-late hours of operation
Korea...the country that never sleeps, except on the subway, the bus, the train, and in taxis. I know that Korean nationals work the same hours that I do if not longer ones beginning earlier and ending later but somehow that makes no difference on how late they are willing to stay out the night before. It is not totally uncommon to see the BBQ chicken place down the street hoppin' with people at midnight in the middle of the week. Bars and clubs essentially never close on the weekend and during the week one can expect to be politely booted at about 5a.m. The convenience store and the produce stand on the corner stay open until 1a.m. while PC bongs, Norrebongs and DVD bongs never close as far as I am aware, (by the way bong means room). These late hours of awakedness apply to adults and children alike and it is totally commonplace to hear children playing in the streets after I've gone to bed or to see little girls waiting patiently for their mother's to get changed at the gym after the late spinning class which ends around 10:10p.m. Anyway suffice it to say I rarely find myself wanting in the wee hours, be it food or entertainment.

Drawback-short sinks
When I was studying in Sweden I went to a presentation on Swedish architecture at a nearby art school. I learned that it was the Swedes who are responsible for creating modern standards in kitchen design. This includes but is not limited to appropriate and convenient placement of the sink in reference to the stove/refrigerator as well as the standard height of all counter tops and sinks. The reason for making standards in such things was in order to cater the equipment and facilities to those people who would be using them most, namely women. The standard height of counter space and kitchen sinks was made at the most comfortable height for the average woman to stand and work long hours in the kitchen while standing in the most natural position possible without having to bend over or reach up to her work.
Apparently this is another memo that somehow got lost in translation from Swedish to Hangul because I am convinced that my counters and especially my sink are too low. It kills my lower back to do the dishes because I am in the most uncomfortable bended over position. I think that the standard height is something like 34 1/2" and if I had a measuring tape I would whip it out right now but I don't so I'm just going to speculate. I don't know if my apartment is older and that's why they might be shorter or if the average Swedish woman and the average Korean woman are too different to have one standard. All I know is that I hate doing the dishes and consequently I don't.